Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ok, so all those last posts are very old by now. This is my first new one.

So, World Changers, Missions, Summer, Houston, Friends...haveing no idea what is going to happen.

That is my life right now, mix in school and work, and we are good to go. This has been the story of my life this semester, having no idea what this summer will hold, and trusting God to put me where he wants. Im at the point where Im not worrying anymore because whatever happens, im excited, and I know its where God wants me.

It all started after my summer in houston. Talking with friends, i started to realize that Houston has become a comfort zone for me, my friend Chris has done World Changers staff that same summer, and it was a huge growing expereince for him. So, taking advice, i applied for World Changers and got my application in Nov 1 when it was due. Then the waiting started. It was sometime in Dec that i finally got a call from David Scott wanting to do an interview with me. So, literally 30 seconds after i woke up, i was in an interview that would decide my summer. =) Well after that i got down to waiting again. Finally i got an email from Brian Liard, telling me to wait some more. Then I got a call about 2 weeks ago telling me to wait some more. Well, I finally got another email from Brian, he told us that they are selecting on February 25-26. So, i am looking foward to those dates to find out what i am doing for the summer.

Ok, so a little background to put what i just typed into perspective... (Haha "I want a little....Perspective" from Ratatouille) So, summer 2008 was the best summer of my life, and i made the best friends I could possible have. I miss them all so much it drives me crazy everyonce in a while. So, then i met my amiga Amber in October, and things changed. From the get go, i told her about missions, and since she wanted to do something for the summer i told her about Sojourners. Well, ok how should i put this...I really wanted to go to houston, but i knew that God might be calling me to World Changers, but i will not know for sure till a few more weeks. So, then Amber applied for sojourners, but for complicated reasons they didnt accept her. Well, the thing is that she really wants to server God this summer in some way and she feels God is calling her to do that. So, here is the deal, If i go to World Changers, I grow and mature big time, it will be the most challenging thing that i probably will have done in my whole life. Yet, if i dont get accepted to World Changers, than I feel called back to houston, my old friends will be coming back, and i love the kids, the weather, the people I work with and the people I server. I Love houston so much, its literally my home away from home. So, I would try to go there if i didint get accepted by world changers. AND, if i go there, I will try to drag my amiga Amber along too, because of some complicated reasons. Wow, this is so confusing to just clouds my mind, and its so hard to put it into words. Its a jjumbled mess, and jotting it down is proving harder than i thought, i mean, keeping it in my mind and organizing it in there is hard enough. So if you have questions, about my life right now, feel free to ask....this is all a jumble, and doenst make sense...but its down..
So basically if your reading this, you are very bored with nothing to do. Well, the feeling is mutual...ok well not really. I have just been thinking, thats all. I dont know if anybody will ever read this, or care about what I write, and I really dont care, Im just gonna put this on paper....wait I mean megapixel. So, here it goes.It all started before this summer, well it actually started the end of last summer. Basically leaving BMC in 2007 wasnt a very hard thing to do. I didnt get attached to anybody, and nobody me. I was very much on my own. The last day in Houston, all the staff wanted me to come back. I was nodding my head "yes" but i had no idea what I would be doing "next" summer. I really didnt think I would come back. After all, I needed to go to school, and school costs money, and I had never had a job, so I needed one to get money, so i can go to school. Yah, so anyways, I really didnt think that I would come back in 2008. And summer 2007 didnt help the "want" of coming back. Well, I got home and for the fall semester nobody would hire me. Finally on my birthday Dec 4, I was hired by a company that almost all my brothers had worked for before. But anyways, I was hired despite the fact that I would only be there for a few months, or until summer. In Dec, I wasnt sure what I would be doing in the summer, but I did know that I would be doing something. So, at my work, they have a lot of trouble finding people who have a servants attitude and mind set. They hire people who dont quite know what it means to go "all out" and get the job done. Well, then i came along, and im not trying to bragg, but its what im told all the time, is that Im one of the best people who does what I do. I have been told that I have set the bar for future clerks that do what I do. To tell you the truth, Im not sure why, I just do what I am trained to do, and obviously everybody thinks its so cool. I guess nobody does what they are trained to do....dang...that stinks. Well so anyways, the time for me to pick, what I wanted to do for the summer....oh wait, I mean what God wanted me to do. Well, I really felt like He wanted me to go back to Houston. So I applied and got accepted. This is in spring. So I brake the news to my emplorer that I WOULD be leaving for the summer. Well, nobody wanted me to go, but I had to. Because I had only been at the job 6 months, I could not get a "Leave of Absense" I had to "resign". So the day came, I "quit". June 1st rolls around, that means its time to leave Cali and head for H-Town. So, I fly out of Sac at 6pm. I fly to Pheonix and change the way, I HATE the Pheonix terminal. From there I fly aaaalllllllll ttttthhhheeee wwaaaayyyyy tttttoooo then I have to leave the terminal in Atlanta and go to another one, dang that really sucked....did I tell you that I hate going through "security". So then from Atlanta I flew to Houston.....yah, I know, that was crazy. I finally arrived in Houston 8:45am June 2nd. So it took me 13 hours to fly to a place that is supposed to take you 5. Well, I got to Houston, my home away from home. Ok, so lets get one thing straight....this summer was the most awsomest summer that I have ever had in my whole entire life. And no, it was not because there were 14 girls and just one other fellow, it was because there were 15 indiviuals who (as some have put it) all took a chip from my heart. Its because I was blessed with 15 new siblings who were non-existant before the summer. (I love you guys). It was also the best summer of my life because I spent 2 hours of every day with the koolest most awsomest kids that I have ever met. Kids like Lyssette, Jose, Brenda, Gyssel, CHristian, little Antonio, and even the bigger kids like the 2 Jesus's, and all the teens. And then there was our Bible study class of 4-5 year olds. Even though the knew no English, and i could barely speak their type of Spanish, they were the cutest kids Ive ever seen. Now back here at home every time I see a little hispanic kid, I start missing my kids even more. I loved them to death. Ok, where was I going with not sure. loved my kids....well, yah, so I spent 2 months with my Critters and my Kids Club kids. Then there was Rock Band, man that thing was fun. We made our own Critter Band, dang I really liked the dude I made. He was definitely the most (as MK would say) "precious" character. Haha, then there was that guy is funny. If ever you need a laugh...he can randomly crack you up. I remember him asking if the airport ladies eyes were fake!!!! That was hilarious....oh then at the Cold Stone he asked the guy what he was!! IVAN!!! Then there were his and my movie dates. Watching Titanic and some other movie that both of us decided would not keep us awake...thats right it was Jumanji....I think we stopped at the part where the monkeys are drving away in the cop car...that movie is boring. Lets see, Us guys had 10 beds in our room, we each had a shower, and we had 3 toilets to share, and we each had a sink....Ivans was always so hairy from when he shaved!! Oh, then on Fridays when we were supposed to be cleaning, that guy would text and clean up his place for so Looonngg. And after that the only thing he did was mop the bathroom, and that was after I had vaccumed the room, cleaned my spot, cleaned the toilets, the sinks, swept the bathroom floor, and sometimes the showers, cleaned the sinks and taken our the trash. Then on the last Friday he didnt do diddly squat. But I dont blame him, I really didnt want to waste time cleaning when I would much rather be spending our last precious hours with eachother. Gosh, so much happened this summer, It would take me forever to type is all down. And its like 1 in the morning right now....California time. So.....lots more happened, um.....oh wait, the last few weeks I scared the girls in the stair case, ha ha ah that was so funny, I think I scared Kathleen the most, but I think.....dang who was might have been Cassie who i got really bad. I dont quite remember. Gosh then World Changers came, that is a story in and of itself. Basically I really missed everyone in Houston, and I have to reroof a house that had 5 layers of shingles plus a layer of wooden shades, that is like wooden shingles. And we had to do this in 100 degree heat. Oh by the way for World Changers I had to fly to Dallas for the week. THen I flew back to Houston. Well, the Friday we left, was the saddest and most deppressing day of my life. I didnt know I had that many tears inside of me. All but 3 were dropped off at the same airport because we all left within a few hours of eachother. So as a group would leave we would hug and cry. Ivan was the second to leave after Ashley, so that meant I was the only guy here with a bunch of girls, and we were walking up and down the terminal, I noticed quite a few of the SAME people staring at us each time we would walk by, and each time our faces were redder and redder with tears. ha ha, its funny right now, but man it was gut wrenching. Well, I flew to Dallas with 3 other critters, Faith, Ashley and Caroline. They just had connections, but my brother was getting married that weekend, his rehearsal dinner was that night. So then wedding came and went. It was actually a pretty kool time. I was in the wedding party, and the Bridesmaid that I escorted down the aisle actaully worked at the Christian Camp that we went to at the beggining of the summer, Trinity Pines. SHe actaully saw us. Her boyfriends dad is actaully the dude in charge of the camp. It was awsome meeting her. So then my family drove home from Texas back to Cali. I had a few days of rest, i applied for my old job, and in 2 hours my boss called me up asking when I could start. The next day I drove up to WA state with my dad and 2 of my brothers to spend the weekend working around the property that my oldest brother and his wife live on. Then I came home and started working. School starts next week, Im going to be trained as a Checker next week. My 2 best buds are now working with me. So we are the Tres Amigos.So, that is what has happened.This has been the best summer of my life, and its because of everysingle person that I met that impacted me in some way, whether big or small. Oh wait I have also been at the fair, both times I was doing security as a Sheriff Cadet, I have been at the Gibson gate both times. So Im glad that I have been able to see some of yall that I havent seen in forever. And now today is sunday (since its 1 in the morning) so I will be talkjing about my summer in my church, and getting to see lots of people.Ok, time for bed. I really miss all my new siblings. Life is not complete away from yall. For everyone that I havent seen in forever, I hope to see you soon.So I guess you have made it to the end of the "note". This note was not written to make sense. It is just a bunch of thoughts and memories jumbled together with a little order. So if you dont get what im talking about...then your in good company. Ok, thats all for my random memories and such.Yours Truly, Joey The Bear
So, I was at church sunday morning, and we were singing our very first Christmas carols of the season, when I started chuckling to myself. My friend next to me looked at me all wierd, so i proceeded to explain to him why. Well, the story involves some of you. So, do yall remember Kinwood Baptist church? Well, I remember after church, we were heading back to BMC, and I was in the Honda. Well, we found a hymnal, and we opened it up and started singing...but we werent just singing a song, we were singing christmas carols. I think we sang all the way home....we had quite the little chior there. I remember mama Glenda was driving, and she knew every word to every carol we sang!! So, if you were in the van that remember who you were!! Its just a little memory of the summer, of something wierd that we did, that will always stick with me no matter wat.Ok, well I love and miss all of yall. Hope yall have a great Christmas season.~Joey Bear.

A Letter to Remember

Inspired by a true story.Some of you might remember her as the girl I write letters too...well this is our story.I didnt know you the day I took the journeyyou were no more than any other person on a crowded streetI didnt know what you looked like or what you sounded likeYou didnt exist, your feelings were foreign to me, your heart was lost somewhere, out there, out of my reach.The road was long, the stars were beautifulthe salt flats were bright with the sun's reflectionthe lakes looked like they would shatter like glass at any momentthe mountains wet with the melting snow of springand the grass on a thousand hills were waving in perfect time with the sanota performed by the invisible orchastra of the wind.I was on a mission, a secret mission, not even I knew where I was going, or what I was doing. All I knew was that from start to finish, this would be one exiting ride.

Somewhere, somewhere out there you had started the journey as wellyou were not going through mountains, or over plainsyou had a journey of your own kind.Along twists and turns, taking sleepless night after sleepless night you came.You had left your own home to follow that passion inside of you. I doubt you knew much more than I did about our final destination.What lay in store was as much a stranger as I was.We were like to magnetic strangers, being attracted to eachother, but we were just magnets, not hearts, not soulds, just black magnets, no feelings, not even existing.Then...We both stopped.We had both arrived. We had both journeyed to the same place, to the same point in time, to the same piece of destiny, to the place where legacy begins, and yet we still did not know who eachother was.There were four hundred of us, four hundred people,I was just that face in a crowd, and you were just that face in a mix of blank faces,faces of people who still did not exist to me. Even though I was right in them, they were a book, without any pages. We both fell asleep that night exhausted, thousands of miles had been traveled on both our partsWe had come to the same place, we were no more than 50 yards from eachother, and yet we still were faceless puppets to eachother.I remember staring up at that cieling, feeling homesick, feeling lonely.I fell asleep thinking, I dont know of what, I was just tired.I dont know what was going through your head that night, it couldnt have been much, because you were nobody, you didnt even exist. Then the day arrived, the day we both remember, that fatefull day that changed both our lives from then on and forever, after this day, we would never be the same.I dont remember this day very much, it was so very long ago, I dont know if you do either. I saw your face, and you saw mine, we both flinched like someone had pinched us.Our hearts had connected, they had found a link that niether of us knew existed, that spark that has kept us for so long.It wasnt long till we both were talking, for some reason we had met before, maybe in our dreams.It seemed as if our souls were long lost friends who had never been able to get to know eachother as much as they had liked. Every moment we were not breathing we were laughing. Oh how those days flew by, it seemed like I had known you forever, and yet we had just met. I went o sleep at night wandering how I could be so blessed. I was proud of myself for stepping out of that box that I had been locked in for years. That box, that prison, you had stolen the key, and let me free.THen it hit. Something hit that day. It felt an anvil falling on my toes. It sent chills up and down my spine. you turned your back. you turned your had changed back into a black silouette. no face attachedwhat had i done? what did i say? we had been the best friends in the worldwe had talked without taking a single breath for dayswe had poured our hearts outwe had poured our souls outand then it changed.the hours passed like daysthe days turned into eternitiesthe sun frowned each morningstanding in its hot rays, they seemed to be laughing at mewiping my sweat off my brow did not helpmy heart was split, I was a robotyet I kept at the task, i had no emotion, there you were, you were right there, i could reach out and touch you, and yet I could not see you.i couldnt find you.I searched near and far, high and low, yet i couldnt find your heart. But you were there, just over there, laughing and joking, but I could not hear you,...why?...My friend had blown away with the wind,the jet flew over, and you had flown away with itthe noise was unberrable, and your silense was deafening. I started to realize something.I had missed it entirelyI had had the wrong mindset from the very begginingThis mission i was on, it wasnt for youit wasnt for anybodyit wasnt to make friends this mission, it was for GodIt was to worship GodI had been lost, I was ignorantbut now I found why, why i was here.I was here for GodI was here because of GodGod had closed that door that we had unlocked, to make me realize HimHe made me realize you, but I had forgotten him,just like you have forgotten meOh, for such a wretch like me, I once was lost, and now I am foundI had found my mission, I had found the reason.But, there you were, right there, still a black silouette, Oh how I wanted to ask why...but i knew that it could not happen, I had found "why" I had found me, God had found me and fixed meIts funny how God puts us through trialshow sometimes we have to start hurting before we learnhow we must be confusedbefore we realize "Its not about me Jesus, its not about me, its all about you."The door had closed, but another door had opened,the door to my heart had opened"Ask, and it shall be given, Knock and you shall be answeredI stand at the door to your heart and knockwill you open up, or will I have to unlock it with the keys only I have"Jesus, please open my door,sometimes I want to keep it shut,sometimes I want to close the curtainsnot let the sunlight inplease open them, I need you, help me to realize thatThe week had come and gone, like a flash of lightningI had learned my lesson,but you were still thereI had opened my heart to Jesus, but your heart was still closed to meI left that morning, with a picture of your backBecause your back was all i hadthe journey was long, the friendships were gonebut I had found a friend who I had given up onI had found a friend that would never turn His back to meI had found a friend that would go home with meI ihad found a friend who long ago had made his home In me,yes i had kicked him outnow he was back inI had an adress, The days went by, and I started to thinkWhere were youWho were youSo I started to write...That first letter was shortand the reply was extincti waited, I waited at the mail box every dayBut that letter never cameSo i sat down to write, and I wrote one more letterI said "hi, how are you doing?" nothing to fancy, but just what i thoughtI wanted to know, how a friend was doing...or if she would be my friend againI waited for days, I stood at that mail box, and waited for youAnd finally one day,oh that glorious day, I recieved your letter, with a glorious noteIt was not a joyous letter though, it was one of sadness,it was one of sorrowI was one in which you apologized, for what had happenedI had not asked for an apology,for all i had known, it was my fault, for ignoring my LordBut you still said "Sorry" and my heart skipped a beat.I ran inside, and sat down to write, my letter was not long,but it contained everything I could think,A friend had come home, a friend I knew once, I was to know again.I wrote that letter, and I licked the stamp, placed it in the corner, of that white envelopeI hurried and placed it in that ol mail box, right before the post man came walking byI ran inside once more, and sat down to thinkWhy had you replied? why did you write? For all i knew, you were just that face int he crowd, who at one time I knew, but i had found another friend, and had forgotten of youI pulled out that letter,and read it once more, but I couldnt put it down, so I read it again

The days went by, and then, to my utter surprise, another letter came right to my handsWith quivering hands I opened it up, I poured my heart into every word, reading and rereading every line. I could not afford to miss one little dotThe words on that paper are only for me to knowFor if I told you, it would not be for meFrom that day on, we wrote, and read, for hours I would spend sitting in a tree, and thinking of herwhat should I say, how should I write, what would she think, and who was she? Our letters grew longer and longer, till at times it took days to write a single oneIt seemed as if we had just picked up from where we had left offwe began to laugh again, we began to cry again,we shared our inner most feelings emotions and thoughtsour friendship turned into writing letters, waiting for letters, reading them, and rereading themwe poured our hearts into what we wrote.(when a piece of parchment is your only connectionto your best friendyou pick every word carfullyevery thought is formed with lovewhen you are waiting for the next letter, you spend hours reading the last oneyou take notes on your daily lifeuntil that letter arrives, you walk up to the mail pile and your eyes scour the adresses, the hand writing, the type of envelopeYou recognize it before you even see itYour heart skips 5 beats, and you almost faintyou pick it up and head to the quietest place you can find, you slowly sit down and you just stare at the piece of envelope.then you quickly tear it open, and pull the think piece of paper out, you unfold it and jump into the lettersyou put yourself into what you readbecause what you read is all you get)Five years have gone by nowfive years of writingfive years of waitingfive years without ever seeing the girl who holds the pen five years not seeing the face behind the wordsfive years with the vision of her back, the back of the girl I never said goodbye tothe girl I never hugged onceI thanks God for those five years, I dont know whybut im sure He has a planI tried doing it my way once beforeI cannot afford to do it again

One day a door will openthe curtains will fly back and the sunlight will come rushing in, But until that day I must be contentit hurts, it hurts to not know,it hurts to not be in controlbut its conforting to know that God is in control

five years of waiting has taught me patienceI know that if God wills I wills see her again.Each letter I recieved I thank God forit is a reminder, a reminder of His love for meHis mercy for me, and His hands in my life.I thank God for the love he has for meI thank God for the lesson he taught meI thank God for the friend he gave meI thank God that I dont have to send Him a letter to say that I love HimThe path I took to you, was a rough one, The journey I trecked brought us closer, yet we are farther than everyet even with the distance, our frienship will not fade with the sunset, but only brighten like the moonSo when you are thinking of me, just remember we are friends because of ChristWe love eachother becuase Christ first loved usHe put us on the same team,and He seperated us and He brought us back togetherWhen one door closes, another opens, And we always learn something when that door slams us in the faceI learned to trust God, And I was blessed with your friendship.So, thankyou friend for always being there for me.I love you very I still remember that very first letter, and I still have it. Of course I have every single letter you have sent me.Let this be a lesson to you. Even though God gives us friends, we must never lose sight of Him, for he gives, and he taketh away, He lifteth up, and he putteth down.

~This has been a true story with a bit of artistic license. Im not a poet, im not good with words. To be honest I did spend time on this. Something like this does not come naturally to me. Im sorry if it is confusing. But, this is sort of the story of my friend and me.

The Start

So, Im gonna try to start a blog. I have never EVER been successful with these things, but maybe this time it will work. =) I know quite a few people with blogs, so i might as well try myself.

So, for the first order on the agenda i am going to post stories that i have already written, and then add on from there. The first few things i wrote a while ago, so they are quite dated.

So, I wanna tell you something and ask you a question. I really dont know how to word it so please bare with me. Since we met, we told eachother about everything, we wrote letters at least once a month, and then there were the occaisinal phone calls with lots of awkward silences,but then there were the times we spent hours just chatting. So, friend, you see, you are like a best friend to me,but I talk to you about things that I dont even tell other people, you are just so close to me. You can probably imagine how hard it has been to keep in contact with you, the hours we have both spent reading, writing and telling our life stories to eachother. The emotions we have poured on to eachother. You see, these months, have been some of my hardest ever, and i have put off writing you at all because I have just been so busy. But no matter how mmuch I put it off, I cannot keep you out of my mind. NO matter what Im doing at random times I will think of you. THis is not because I have a crush on you or something like that, it is because you have becaome something to me that nobody else can fill or be. You have become a true friend. The reason I keep thinking of you is my conciense making me feel guilty that i hadnt written "that" letter, or prayed for you at "that" time. It is God reminding me, that out there, there is someone that he has put in my life and I am not to abandon or ignore that person. Its God reminding me to be thankfuil for the friends that he has put into my life. And to be a good steward, so no matter how busy I am, no matter how many excuses I try to give, I am constantly reminded of you. Maybe its a gift that I have,maybe its a burden of never forgetting who has made me who I am. And for these reasons everytime I head from you its like God sending an angel to brighten my life. So after all this I have to ask a question, a question that peirces my heart. But it must be asked, you see I have dozens of friends who are no more thatn aquaintances who I know nothing about. Please forgive me if I am being a total retard, and totally ignorant, please forgive me if I am not listening to you, but the question must be asked because I love you...Do you want to be friends?Do you want me to write you letters? Do you want me to think of you?Do you want me to pray for you?Do you want me to Love you?